Hello friends, happy Sunday! I have my last undergrad final EVER this Tuesday, and then next Tuesday I graduate!! Also, I just turned 20 a few days ago. SO, it makes sense that I’ve been feeling very nostalgic lately, and, in particular, I’ve been really thinking about how I’ve changed as a human being.
It’s so strange, trying to balance self-love with honest self-discipline. I love myself, but I am fundamentally imperfect, and it’s a good thing to want to work on that.
Growing up, I was a crazy, cheerful kid who cut my dresses with scissors and made friends with the school custodians. When I entered middle and high school, I got a bit more subdued, as I learned that people aren’t always kind, and I also went through my brief teenage rebellion (lol). In my first semester of college, I went through both romantic and platonic heartbreak, and it took me another entire semester to recover from that sadness.
So, this past year has been my chance to really LIVE for myself, without having to be dependent on my family or deal with emotional drama. This has also been my chance to really go crazy exploring the different facets of my personality, and figure out who I am when I’m surrounded by my peers who don’t know my past.
I’ve changed so much. Some things might seem arbitrary, like how I now enjoy wearing jewelry and drinking iced mochas, while others are more obvious, such as my growing circle of friends and diminishing social anxiety.
It’s ok to change. It’s ok to redefine yourself, over and over again, as you grow up and gain new experiences. Sometimes I get scared that I’m ‘losing’ myself to adulthood and social norms, but that fear is illogical. I am always going to be me, and if something makes me happy, it doesn’t matter if that thing is popular or a fringe interest.
My pursuit of happiness has remained the same, even as what makes me happy has evolved, and that’s what’s most important.
I wonder what the next years of my life will bring? I’m excited to find out 🙂